I Know
by Illusionary Heart
Summary: She knows he doesn't love her back anymore, and she realizes she has to come to terms with it much sooner than she had anticipated.
1. Chapter 1

Although our marriage was arranged, neither of us was unhappy with it. Sure, I was a little upset that my romantic life had to be based off of political ground, but once I met him it was alright. He alright… Mostly. Maybe a little arrogant, maybe a little haughty, but he was kind. Sometimes. Mostly. Okay, not really. But still.

Then, in our sophomore year of high-school, we were told that the marriage was no longer needed and would become invalid if we wished it to be so. I disagreed with it, and so did he, so we continued to be engaged, this time out of choice.

But after we graduated from high school, things got a little different. We had different career paths in mind, so naturally we ended up splitting for university choices. He went towards the computer science section, while mine was more quiet – art. Things were fine for a year or two, but then he started getting distant.

At first, I didn't notice. Okay, so we didn't get to see each other often, maybe that's the reason. But it's not. He's stopped talking to me in the way he generally does, and he's gotten overly polite. Like it's the arranged marriage all over again, back when we first met.

And then it occurred to me: his pattern of speech wasn't the only thing that had changed. I started noticing little details about him. His posture, his facial expressions, everything was different.

So I realized that _I wasn't the one he loved anymore_.

I didn't know who this person was, but apparently she was better than me. It didn't sicken me, it didn't make me angry. Just slightly miffed that he could have the nerve to do so when he was engaged. But if this was so, why didn't he just call off the marriage? He never did, and that made me wonder. Did I know him as well as I thought I did?

I wished I had another chance. Although he'd changed (and his view of women had too, obviously), he wasn't the only one who'd matured. I had, too. Probably.

… Right?

* * *

Ara stirred the ice in her cup, looking uncomfortable as Rena seated herself next to her. For some reason, the petite girl never really did like Rena. I watched as Rena cleared her throat and said, "Hey, how come I never see you with Elsword anymore?"

I froze, and Ara wilted a little. She was the only one I'd ever trusted with the knowledge of our deadening relationship, and understood it nearly as well as I did. "Ha-ha," I said, praying that my voice wouldn't crack. "He's been really busy nowadays, so I haven't got to see him much. He's busy with university and all that, so…"

Ara nodded vigorously next to her, so much it seemed unnatural. I shot her a glare, and she stopped immediately, although it was probably futile. Rena was a very perceptive woman, and it look just a little for her to notice everything.

Thankfully she decided not to question it and said, "Oh, okay. That's cool. Hey, let's all go to the mall today. You too, Ara."

"W-what?" Ara snapped her head up to stare at Rena, who was grinning like the Cheshire Cat. "Yep. Let's go!" She latched onto Ara's arm and pulled the poor girl up. "After all, it's going to be a warm day today… Actually, scratch that! Let's go to your house, Aisha!"

Wait, wait. _My _house? "Why mine?" I spluttered.

"Because your house is bigger. Ours sucks. Wait, no, take that back. I've been to Ara's house before and it's big, too. But we're going to yours. No buts, ifs, or ands."

And that is how we ended up walking three miles from the café to my house. Once we got in, Ara took Rena up to my room (albeit hesitantly) while I made tea. I walked up the stairs slowly, trying not to spill anything, and successfully made it up into my room.

Wow. Never done that before.

Rena took a cup and smiled. "Thanks~!" She took a sip, and then set it down, her facial expression turning serious. "So. I made you come here for a reason, Aisha."

Ohhhh no. Okay, so she wasn't going to let it go. So I deflated, and muttered. "Uh-huh."

Ara shifted uneasily, looking at us both, unsure of what to say.

"You and Elsword have been very distant. Too distant. What's up?"

"I… Don't know." I confessed, rolling onto my bed. It was no use lying to Rena, so I decided to tell her the truth. "Every time I talk to him, it's like I don't even know him anymore." After a moment's pause, I added, "I think he's seeing someone else."

Rena breathed heavily out of her nose, sounding like an elegant donkey. "I see. And for how long have you been suspecting this?"

"… Six months."

"Half a year. And he's made no attempt to tell you or end the marriage, which might I say is optional?" Rena _tsked_, sounding pissed.

I nodded half-heartedly. Ara hurried to my side on the bed, mumbling incoherent words under her breath. It was nice having her next to me, especially when Rena was here. She could get intimidating. Maybe that's why Ara was so uneasy of her.

Rena sighed, picking up her cup again. "This is stupid. Aisha, go see him. Tomorrow. If he can't end it himself, end it for him. You're not going to stay with him if he continues to do this, are you?"

I stayed silent, and nobody said anything else. And then I decided to say, "But… I don't want to."

Rena started, tea splashing from her cup onto the tray, and even Ara seemed a little surprised. "He may do those things, and his feelings towards me might have changed, but that doesn't mean mine have." Everything I said was true. He may not love me anymore, but I still did. It hurt, but I still do. "I'll go talk to him tomorrow, but I'll only end it if he wants to. I'm not going to decide what happens in our relationship."

"…" The elder girl sighed, putting her teacup down. "Okay. If that's what you want, Aisha. But at this point, things aren't looking great for you."

I smiled painfully.

"I know."

* * *

Staying true to my word, I did visit him the next day. But the other car in his driveway, and the girly things in them… It was likely that _she_, whoever she was, was with him. A jolt of pain flashed through me, but I ignored it.

I rang the doorbell. I had made a decision to handle things calmly beforehand (Which was admittedly not one of my strong points), and I hoped I would stay true to my own self. The one who opened the door was not Elsword. It was far from Elsword.

It was a girl with beautiful, silvery hair. Upon seeing me, her amiable expression morphed to shock. A shadow appeared behind her, and I could plainly tell it was Elsword. I didn't look up at him though, and managed a placid smile. "Hello, Eve. Did you have a nice discussion?"

"What are you doing here?" She asked through clenched teeth, but then breathed in deeply and repeated her question with much more dignity.

"I'd like to see Elsword, please." I smiled back at her, although it twitched.

Eve then crossed her arms, and said, "Why do you relentlessly pursue him, even with the knowledge that he does not love you? I have seen it quite plainly, Aisha. He doesn't love you, and you know it. Why?" Her voice hardened as she spoke, and by the last word she was nearly yelling. Elsword placed a hand on her shoulder and opened his mouth to speak, but I quickly cut him off.

"Why? Because I still love him."

Eve stopped, looking evidently shocked, and Elsword's eyes widened. I suddenly found it a lot easier to be calm, and smiled. "I'm not ready to give up on him yet, you know? Eve, I know you two were talking, but I really need to speak with him."

The other girl seemed slightly miffed, but moved aside and gestured for Elsword to step out. She gently closed the door behind him and I found myself face-to-face with my estranged fiancée.

"Hello."

"… Hi." His reply was short and blunt, but it made me smile sadly.

"I'm sorry. About what I said to her. Take that with a grain of salt. I was… ah…" I swallowed, unable to find the words. Tears welled up in my eyes, but I forced them back down with a shower of blinks. "Sorry. I came to tell you that… It's okay. If you want to end this, I mean. I… realized that I wasn't the one you loved a long time ago, but I never really faced it until now."

Elsword sighed. "… Aisha – "

"No. Stop. I know you're not happy with me, and I'll accept it. Just… Ah, never mind. If you want to end it, just go. Please, before I decide to change my mind." I gave him a twisted smile, and he was silent.

Then, "I'm sorry… Thanks, Aisha." The sound of a door opening and closing was the last straw. I dropped to my knees, finally letting myself cry. Then, a hand on my back. I looked up.

Eve.

She was biting her lip, and she said, "Aisha. I'll apologize for yelling… And stealing Elsword from you. It's all my fault. But I can't deny the fact that I won't let him go."

I sniffled, but I had to tell her the truth. "No, it's okay. Eve, I already told him it would be alright if he left. It's okay. I can see it in his eyes – he loves you more than he ever loved me. I'm not the one he loves, and I guess I've come to terms with it. Just go."

Eve shook her head. "It's my fault, and I'm not going until you stop crying. I…"

I wiped my eyes quickly and stood up. Eve looked up at me uncertainly, still crouching, and I said, "No. Go back inside. As much as I want things to, they won't change. No, I _don't _want things to change. Tell Elsword not to worry about the engagement thing – I'll just tell them that our tastes changed." A painful feeling started again, but I breathed in a heavy sigh.

But the girl shook her head again. "Seeing you like this, and what kind of sacrifice you'd make for the one you love… I can't take it. Aisha… I will give you one chance with Elsword. I know I said I wasn't going to give up, but I feel like I can't watch you like this. I'll set up one last date between you and Elsword, and then I'll be satisfied."

Surprised at Eve's sudden kindness, she stiffened as she stood up, heading for the door. "B-but I'm still not giving up on him," She told me.

I smiled, my eyes dry. "You don't have to do that."

"I want to." She said to me, her voice earnest and sounding close to tears.

"Thanks."

The door shut.

* * *

**This is a two-shot. Chapter two will be up sometime later this month. **


	2. Chapter 2

I huffed, trying to keep my annoyance in. Elsword stood next to me in casual clothes, looking extremely uncomfortable. I jabbed a finger in his face, chuckling absently when he reeled back, surprised. "It's our last date, buttface! You'd better act like you're _kinda _happy, at least! Don't crush your poor ex-fiancée –" I choked a little on my words at this point, something Elsword noticed, "'s heart," Gulping, I finished my sentence with a random flourish of my arms.

He sighed, one emotion flashing in his eyes. It annoyed me, it broke my heart. That emotion, there in his eyes, it wasn't something I wanted to see.

_Pity._

No, Elsword, I'm not desperate for your love. I know it's long gone, and I've accepted that. I'll continue on as a bystander… But if I could have one more moment with you. And Eve has generously provided me with that time. "Right," I said, tucking a lock of hair behind my ear. "So, we're wasting time here in the parking lot. This was the amusement park, right? Man, if I knew it was going to be such a hot day, I'd never have chosen to go here," I berated myself. He glanced at me out of the corner of his eye, but didn't say anything.

Jerk.

He could've at least made this day feel more special, couldn't he? We entered the amusement park silently, and I knew the girl selling tickets knew something was off. She blinked, looking back and forth between Elsword and me, and then offered me a sympathetic glance. I didn't give her another glance back. I didn't want her empathy.

"Look." I spun around to face him, putting my hands on my hips. I couldn't take much more of this pity crap. "This is pointless if you aren't going to cooperate. Eve, no, your _girlfriend_ gave me one last chance. Now, don't think I'm going to try to make you love me again, because I realized now that it's pointless."

"Pointless?" He echoed questioningly.

"Pointless," I affirmed, and said nothing more of it. He didn't say anything else, either.

No matter. The whole day turned out to be pointless in the end. He wouldn't talk to me or even look at me the entire time, and the only word I'd gotten out of him the whole day was 'pointless'.

Just like our now nonexistent relationship. I wonder, maybe it was me. Maybe I was being too clingy with him. But then I realized that I was being selfish, and it wasn't just me. It was both of us. We had both considerably changed from the first time we met up until now, and as it turned out, the two of us weren't meant to be.

I don't know if that means that he and Eve are, but it's certainly not us. As we walk out, he stops when we arrive next to his car and looks at me directly. "I'm sorry our relationship had to end like this, Aisha. I never meant for it to be like this."

I forced a smile, although I knew that he knew me too well to be fooled. "You know what? Elsword," I sat down on the curb next to the car. "You taught me a lot of things when we were together." He stiffened behind me, but I ignored him. "You taught me what happiness was, what it meant to live. But I figured out something. During all that time, I never really understood the concept of love." A tear slipped down my eye, and I blinked rapidly in a vain attempt to rid of them. "Now… Now, when it doesn't even matter anymore, I realized it. What love was. I don't know if you felt the same, or maybe you never really even felt remotely the same, but I feel like I spent too much time investing in my happiness towards you to even realize that I wasn't feeling love."

"Aisha – "

"Shhh. I don't want to hear it. All I'm trying to say is that you've taught me a lot of things. More than my parents have, more than my teachers have. And I'm really, truly grateful. I understand it's time to move on now. I'll admit that I admire you for your ability to move on so quickly, without any regrets. That's all I want to say today." Standing up, I batted at my cheeks to rid of the tearstains and turned to the car. "Let's go."

He drove in silence, and I watched the road in silence. I could literally see the heat waves in the middle of the street. When we arrived, I felt my eyes getting hot with tears and quickly left the car, determined to never see him again when he grabbed my wrist. "Who said I didn't have any regrets?"

What…? "Ehehe… Stop joking and let me go."

"I'm not joking." He let go, and this time I turned around to face him, aware that he was dead serious. "It's the same with me, Aisha. Being with you… it's improved me. I'm really thankful for that. You're the better person in this relationship. You faced it all on your own, and I was too cowardly to even talk to you about my feelings for Eve. This 'love' feeling… you've taught me that, too." He shook his head sadly, crimson locks fluttering. "But I can't deny the fact that my feelings have changed. But I also admit that you were once part of my life, and the changes you've made to it was permanent. I'm happy that you're willing to watch me date another woman, even when you still have these feelings for me.

I know what a jerk I've been, and you've been kind to me still throughout it all. Thank you, Aisha. I'll never forget you."

His revelation left me shocked beyond words as he got back into his car and left my driveway.

* * *

Once, Elsword Sieghart was my life. Once, he was my happiness.

Now, he's my love.

And far out of my reach.

* * *

**I apologize. This too much longer than I had first anticipated. Thank you everyone for the kind reviews. But there is one thing I'd like to mention:**

**Classes are completely up to you, the readers, unless explicitly stated.**

**I don't like to trouble myself with such, as Aisha could be any one of her three classes really, but I feel as if Elsword is leaning towards Infinity Sword, no? Huhu.**


End file.
